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9 Ways to Have Good Rapport With Teenagers

2023-12-07T07:52:15+00:00

By irevealinglight

Teenagers don’t like to be spoken at but spoken to. You must understand the difference between the two phrases if you want to have good rapport with adolescents or teenagers.‘’Spoken at” means shoving one’s opinions down someone’s throat or speaking to someone without listening to what he or she is saying in response. While “Spoken to” gives room for actively listening to a person and a mutual exchange of information.In alluding to Rome, a good rapport with your teens won’t be achieved in a day but usually over time. If they open up the first time and they are listened to without prejudgment, then there is a probability they will open up a bit more the next time. For them, it’s a question of taking baby steps in relating with you, or other adults who are responsible for them.Teens are not against talking to adults; they just don’t want to be harshly criticised when they do talk or when the adult talks to them. Once they are treated fairly in an initial conversation and subsequent ones, they are bound to form a lasting bond with you.Okay, let’s see some effective ways of having good rapport with teens, whether they are your teens, or perhaps, you teach a teenage class at your local church.

1. Encourage open communication

You need to create a safe space for them to talk freely. Be approachable. Teens won’t talk unless they feel it is safe to do so, and by safe, I mean being able to express themselves without being criticised, judged or threatened.

Give room for your teenager to express his or her self without being scolded harshly

2. Be present in the moment and listen

Active and mindful listening is needed if you want to have a good rapport with them. Allow them to express themselves, and even vent while you just pay attention to what is being said.Refrain from using your gadgets or watching the TV while they are talking to you; be present at that moment and connect with them.

3. Don’t keep telling them what to do

You need to soft-pedal; teenagers don’t want to be micromanaged or grilled all the time. Let them make some choices for themselves; that’s how they learn and mature. Give them options to choose from. And if you ask them to do something, it won’t hurt to explain the reason behind your request, especially when they ask. Don’t reply with, “just do what I’m asking you to do. No questions asked,” or “Do it now, not later, unless I cut from your allowance.” Threats will only move them farther from you.

4. Plan getaway outings

Your teens will readily embrace the idea of hanging out with you. I know this because my 14-year-old daughter is usually excited when we do things together. She sees it as having me ‘all to herself’, without the interference of her siblings. Try engaging in shared hobbies that both of you find interesting. Don’t be too preoccupied with work or other activities.Also, if you teach or coach teens, you can plan a group outing—a picnic, going to the beach or going camping. What better way to bond! Such a relaxed atmosphere can cause teens to share stuff that they won’t ordinarily share in a formal setting.

5. Involve teenagers in making family decisions

Remember they don’t like to be treated like babies. One sure-fire way to acknowledge them is by involving them in major decisions of the family. If for instance you are a single mother and you plan on remarrying, seek their opinion about the person before agreeing to walk down the aisle. They might not always agree with your decisions but would appreciate the fact that you sought their opinion and this can bring you both closer.

6. Be supportive of your teenager

This can be interpreted in various ways: support their goals, aspirations, games, recitals, projects etc. Aside from spending good moments with them, let them know you will be there when things get tough, too—you won’t reject them for making a bad decision or taking a wrong turn in life. And when appropriate, offer financial support but don’t overindulge them, because lavishing teenagers with money is not a yardstick for them to open up to you.

7. Communicate expectations

Your teenagers are not mind readers. Let them know what you expect of them and what you don’t. This is a doorway to gaining strong connections and understanding each other better; it will build, and not burn bridges with them.

8. Be the leader they can follow

Model the behaviour you want to see in your teenager. He or she will grasp what you try to tell them faster if they see you doing what you’re asking them to do. For instance, if you tell them not to bring their phones to the dinner table, then ensure you’re not using your phone, too at the dinner table. Because any resemblance of double standards will only push them away.

9. Be patient and understanding

If your teens are always telling you to “calm down” then maybe you are blowing your top too often. The words, “calm down” may sound disrespectful, but they are just trying to tell you to be more patient and understanding. The next time they approach you, give them the benefit of the doubt and really listen. Being patient with your teen sends a signal of trust, it tells him or her— I can trust my mum to listen and be patient with me.We know most teenagers share certain similarities—they go through turbulent changes, hormonal changes, developing independence, discovering their identity, adjusting to social circles and many others. But despite these similarities, you should not compare your teens with their peers. You need to understand their idiosyncrasies and individual needs and relate with them based on that; it will go a long way in drawing them closer to you and establishing a good rapport.All the best!@efelisaifezuo|irevealinglight

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irevealinglight

Efe Lisa is an author, ghostwriter and a freelancer with COINSCRIBES (General Transcription, proofreading, content Online writing Service). She is also an Emotional Health counselor/manager. Her writings are based on faith, real life, family, relationships, and beyond the four walls of school. The aim is to Reveal, Encourage, Strengthen and Transform (R.E.S.T.) She is married with children.