9 Signs Your Boss is Crushing on You & What to Do

Yikes! Did I imagine it, or is my boss really crushing on me? You’ve sensed the rapt attention he gives you when you speak at a meeting, the subtle but frequent glances in your direction, or the number of times he sends for you to give you a task that is not really a task. You might not have imagined it, but you need to be sure if your gut feeling is right or not. Perhaps he admires your work or he’s just extremely nice and a super friendly person. You’d have guessed by now that the focus of this writeup is on male bosses crushing on their female employees, because we do have female bosses who hit on male employees. So, how do you differentiate impersonal admiration from a crush that can affect your work or integrity, if ignored?

Here are nine signs your boss may be crushing on you:

1. Your gut feeling

This is not a 100 percent basis for concluding your boss is crushing on you— however, if you have a gut feeling that doesn’t go away, you might just be right. A lot of people can tell when someone likes them a bit too much. But it’s best not to take it up with your boss based on your gut feeling.

What to Do: Apply caution on your part; be on your guard, and ensure you’re not giving him room to crush on you.

2. Calls and texts you frequently

Even though there is nothing wrong with a boss or supervisor seeking information via calls or text messages, it becomes suspicious if such is done regularly and for no cogent reason. If the texts have personal or flirtatious undertones, it’s likely a crush, and he’s thinking of you in a romantic way.

What to Do: Let him understand your boundaries—when you are at work and when you are not at work. Also, communicate to him nicely that you don’t like the undertones of his text messages, especially when he sends you a flirtatious or out-of-order message.

3. He shows you more favour and attention

A little favour or attention shown by your boss might be harmless, but if he singles you out for major projects, takes you out frequently during lunch breaks, readily agrees to your requests for flexible hours, regularly gushes over your work output and turns a blind eye when you make mistakes, then he may be crushing on you and liking you too much. Showing favouritism at the workplace is usually counterproductive; it makes the one who is shown it, an easy target for resentment, criticism and defamation of character.

What to Do: Tell him you appreciate the favours, but you also want to be treated fairly like everyone else and if you mess up, you expect to bear the consequences like others. Be firm about what you tell him but don’t let it sound like a reprimand. You might need to nicely decline the frequent lunches, too.

4. Scheduling late or private meetings

Have you observed that it is mainly you that stays back to complete that ‘phantom’ project or task? It usually starts innocent at first—he tells you to wait behind to work on an important project and you feel elated because it means he trusts your judgment. Then it becomes regular, and you begin to wonder why, especially when you realise that the project is not urgent or that it simply could have been done by anyone.

What to Do: If you truly suspect that he might be coming on to you, tell him that you can’t be working late continuously and if he really has work for you to complete, that you would appreciate it if he gives you the work during working hours. You can also ask a close colleague to wait for you if you don’t want to be alone with him.

5. Flirting is a thing for him

If he is known for being a bit garrulous, flirty and the type that touches or holds others, it may be difficult to know if he’s hitting on you personally or if he’s just being his usual self. I said difficult, but not impossible to detect. Do you observe him talking to you more, especially in a gathering? Or, he commends you a lot when he talks? He holds your hand or grasp your right or left shoulder affectionately or suggestively with his right or left hand, to ask how you’re doing or when speaking with you—to the point that you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. If you observe him flirting more with you then it is a strong sign that he’s crushing on you.

What to Do: If his touches are making you uncomfortable then you need to tell him in plain English. Also, if you feel he’s going overboard with the flirting unlike when he talks to others then make him understand nicely that you would want him to STOP. Keeping a straight, professional and unsmiling disposition when he flirts with you can also send a message to him—I’m not interested.

6. Body language

Does he send playful or sensual signals to you—stealing looks or glances at you, or making sure his eyes locks with yours and he usually has a noticeable glint in his eye when he stares at you? Does he also brush past you lightly with his hand or any other part of his body—on purpose? While all these might be a sign of him crushing on you, you need to be double sure of his intentions; it might just be harmless flirting. So that you don’t embarrass yourself if you happen to confront him on the matter.

What to Do: It might be hard for you to accuse him of crushing on you if all he does is send you signals with his eyes, unless of course it’s becoming bothersome and distractive. Then it’s okay for you tell him that his stares or looks are making you uncomfortable.

7. Boss loves confiding in you

You’re not his wife or fiancée but he pours out his heart to you, on personal and work-related issues. He is always seeking your advice on important matters and you know he’s married. You better do something about it before he becomes emotionally attached to you and vice versa.

What to Do: Tell him you appreciate him coming to you to talk but you feel it’s not right and you are uncomfortable about it. Let him also understand the danger of becoming emotionally attached if it continues.

8. Giving you gifts regularly

When the office gives you a gift for your birthday does he give you a personal one? One or two gifts for a job well done is okay but when the gifts start tumbling in for no apparent reason from him, then he may be crushing on you.

What to Do: You could discreetly send the gift back with a card that says, “thank-you; I appreciate the gesture but I can’t accept this.” If he persists, let him know that you don’t want anything to soil your professional relationship and if you have a boyfriend or husband, remind him that it would be inappropriate for you to collect his gifts.

9. They display sudden awkwardness

You walk into his office and he suddenly becomes fidgety. He’s the boss but at times, his voice breaks to greet you and even though he’s dark-skinned you can see him blushing. This only happens with you, because you’ve seen that he is more in control with other female employees.

What to Do: Can you really do much about someone being nervous in your company? Not really. But if the awkwardness is accompanied by some of the other signs discussed here, then you apply what has already been discussed.

Due to the power dynamics involved, knowing that your boss has a crush on you can be scary. The flip side of this conversation is when you truly like your boss and you don’t seem to mind him crushing on you. If that is the case, you have to be prepared to choose between your boss and job because it would be foolish to think you can have them both. It is unprofessional to be in a relationship with your boss, and your colleagues might see you as someone who just wants to warm the boss’s bed in order to score points with him. So, if you feel you’ve met your Mr. Right and he has declared his sincere feelings, it’s best you find work somewhere else or maybe apply for a transfer to a sister company, so you can pursue a relationship with him without guilt or shame and save yourself from disciplinary action. On the other hand, if you’ve done nothing to encourage the crush from your boss and you’ve spoken to him about it but it still persists, you may want to take it up with a superior or get it resolved at a higher level or with the HR department. All the best! @efelisaifezuo|irevealinglight