Friendship Heartbreaks: How Do You Handle It?

Every July 30th is International Friendship Day. Looking through social media, you’d see females celebrating their female friends, with some highlighting the roles they have played in their lives. Others recount the worst friendship heartbreaks they’ve experienced over the years. What exactly leads to a friendship heartbreak, and how do you deal with it? Unlike romantic relationships, female friendships are mostly platonic. Female friendships are exquisite because they sometimes fix hearts they didn’t break. Friends form strong and deep bonds because they are rooted in love, trust, and understanding. Female friendships are healthy because of the genuine connections and experiences they bring. Most women see their friends as a support network and safe space, and they are not afraid to be vulnerable. Hence it’s a heartfelt loss when a fallout occurs and the friendship ends. This loss sometimes cannot be compared with romantic relationships because of the depth of the friendship. Here are some of the reasons friendship heartbreaks occur:

Causes of Friendship Heartbreak

1. Breach of trust: Trust is a fundamental factor of friendship. It takes years and efforts to build trust, and it can be shattered in one moment or a second. Some people say that trust is like an earthen pot. When it shatters, it’s difficult to piece together. A breach of trust can create fractures that are not easily healed. Acts like betrayal, dishonesty, and deceit can lead to a breach of trust, thus leading to breakups.

 

2. Unreciprocated efforts: One-sided friendships are a dealbreaker that can lead to heartbreaks. When one friend feels like she is constantly putting in all the work both physically, emotionally, mentally, and even financially, it can be very frustrating. Unreciprociated efforts create a feeling of neglect, and the friendship suffers.

 

3. Competition and jealousy: Friendships can be ruined when friends allow the spirit of jealousy and competitiveness to dwell amongst them. We’ve read stories of jealousy arising and causing drifts because a friend seemed to be doing better financially, physically, socially, or romantically in comparison to the other. Oftentimes, jealousy can lead to competition, resentment, and other negative vices. Friends who are in secret competition with their other friends will always bear a secret resentment towards them. Resentment can lead to deterioration if not checked early.

 

4. Lack of communication: “Communication is key.” This phrase doesn’t apply to romantic relationships and marriages alone; it is an important ingredient in friendship. Having open and honest conversations regularly nurtures friendship. It has been observed that when friends bottle up their feelings and thoughts in a misunderstanding or conversation, it can result in a breakup.

 

5. Growing apart: Close friends can drift apart as they grow and evolve. Sometimes, this drift may be as a result of changes in interest, passion, values, lifestyle, interests, and career paths.

Handling Friendship Heartbreaks

1. Acceptance: Healing begins when you accept that the friendship is over. Let out your emotions, whether it’s anger, sadness, pain, or confusion; don’t bottle up your emotions. Know that it’s okay to grieve, and your emotions are valid. If possible, seek closure and develop new perspectives by reflecting on the lessons learned from previous heartbreaks.

 

2. Seek support: Talk to a therapist, family member, or your other friends about your feelings and experience. By doing so, you will realise that you don’t have to carry the pain and burden alone. Also, it reminds you that you are surrounded by people who love you and are willing to get you through your heartbreak.

3. Self-reflection: Self-reflection helps to understand what you did wrong in the friendship and how you can prevent a recurrence. During this period of introspection, pinpoint areas you think you should improve on and analyse whether the friendship was of any benefit to both parties.

4. Self-care: Engage in activities that will improve your mental and physical health. Activities such as reading, listening to music, exercising, meditating, and other hobbies of choice will keep your mind and body occupied during this time.

 

5. Establish boundaries: Set boundaries where necessary. If this requires taking a break from social media or avoiding questions from friends and family, please do so. By doing so, you are protecting yourself from more emotional harm.

 

6. Embrace new friendships: The fact that a friendship ended should not stop you from meeting new people and building connections. The only difference this time is that you are handling these friendships with a better perspective. This method helps to fill the void that has been created and also reminds you that you are worthy of love, care, and support.

READ ALSO: This Thing Called Friendship

Conclusion

Friendship breakups can be so messy that they impede your mental health. However, it creates an opportunity for personal growth and some reflection. Also, remember that this is a phase that you will overcome and become stronger. Don’t be scared to seek help when needed, and know that it’s okay to grieve your lost friendship. However, I’ll advise that before you commit to anything new you heal, as you reflect on your previous heartbreak.