By How to Face Family Issues Without Falling Apart
By irevealinglight
1. Lack of, or inadequate, finances in the home
A good number of people believe that “Money makes the world go round.” Money issues have often been the major cause of arguments in the home. These fights intensify when some women have to take on the responsibility of being the sole breadwinner in the home. This usually happens when the husbands of these wives lose their jobs or are working but not making sufficient money. It won’t be out of place for a wife, in this situation, to get tired of bearing the brunt of responsibilities and react in a negative way. These outbursts are bound to cause tension, constant friction and disharmony in the home.2. Loss of job
This is related to the first point. People hardly talk about women losing their jobs and how it affects them. The emphasis has always been on their male counterparts. Job loss, whether male or female is always very devastating. A 2021 report by the National Women’s Law Center (NWLC) shows that the United States lost 140,000 net jobs in December. Women actually lost 156,000 jobs and men gained 16,000 jobs. Meaning, about 110% of the jobs lost in December were held by women. It has been reported that women were hit the hardest by the pandemic, as it relates to their jobs. This is definitely a huge blow to these working-class women.Infidelity in the home can cause mistrust, bitterness and depression if not managed well.3. Distance
Spouses working in different cities or countries can put a strain on the family.4. Unexpected pregnancy
It’s not all the time that the news of pregnancy can be joyous for a family, especially for a couple that already decided not to have more than 3 children. The news can be met with mixed feelings and even anger.5. Parenting disagreements
Couples might have different mindsets of raising the kids and this would provoke conflict in the home, if they don’t agree on how best to raise the kids.6. Life-changing decisions
For example, making the sole decision to leave paid employment and start your own business, without considering how your partner will take it.7. Unmet expectations
For instance, expecting to get pregnant within the first year or two and it doesn’t happen.8. Rebellious children, or child(ren) born with some serious birth defects
Some side effects that children could be born with are Down Syndrome, club foot, ventricular septal defect, Hypospadias, congenital heart defects (CHD), etc. It takes a lot of emotional stamina, spiritual stamina and love to handle this kind of situation.Now that we have seen some of these family issues, the question is: How do we handle them without falling apart?To be candid, there is no “one size fits all” solution to handling family issues without falling apart or losing your sanity. But there are indeed some general workable tips that can be applied by members of the family, to stay strong and sane.These tips are numerous, but I would be highlighting a few here.What are these tips that keep you from falling apart in the midst of evident family issues?
1. Choose how you respond
Newsflash! You’re not the first person that will experience family issues and you’re definitely not going to be the last.Reacting negatively to the issue is not going to make it reduce in size, or disappear. The issue will still be there; it will stare you in the face, like the Rock of Gibraltar.I remember a time when we were having some serious financial problems. I brought breakfast to my hubby that particular morning and his response was first a sigh, then, “I don’t feel like eating anything now.” And my reply was, “Dear, whether you eat or not, the problem is not going to magically disappear. Instead, you’ll be hurting your tummy that needs the food.”He looked at me for some minutes before taking the food to eat. It was later he told me how what I said to him really made a great impression on him.That being sad about the matter was not going to change it, so he decided to focus his energy on creative ways to solve the problem.2. A problem or a predicament?
Simply put, a problem has a solution but a predicament does not have a solution, only an outcome.You need to be able to decipher if that family issue is a problem or a predicament. Knowing this will make you put things in the right perspective, and keep you from falling apart over what does not have a definite solution.A problem can be deciding where to go on holiday as a family, while a predicament can be taking care of an aged sick parent. If you treat a predicament as a problem, you can become frustrated and depressed.Remember the Serenity prayer: “God give me the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, the courage to change things which must be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other.”3. Choose to be proactive
If we are true to ourselves, we can sense trouble brewing. That financial or mounting debt issue did not just surface. The infidelity didn’t happen in a day; that subtle attraction has been building up but nothing was done to douse it. That loan did not just become due for payment.I know there are some issues that can happen without warning, like suddenly realizing after two years of marriage, you can’t have children.But you can still choose to follow the tip stated in point 1 and remain positive. And of course, you go for the necessary tests and medical checkups. But for those issues that can be nipped in the bud, let us be proactive about them before they become like an open wound.4. Decide to be the “bigger” person
The blame game has never worked and will never work to solve issues. One person has to be the bigger person. Know that blaming or finger-pointing will only tear both of you apart or make you fall apart.All that can be avoided, if someone decides to take the lead in solving the issue.It might just be a simple, “I’m sorry, it was wrong of me to accuse you the way I did” that would diffuse the heated argument. Or, “I didn’t see it from your perspective; we can go ahead and try what you were suggesting.” Or even, “So sorry for coming home late without calling you. You have every right to be upset and worried.” Decide to think and act differently.5. Choose who you talk to
Not everyone can counsel you. And if you must spill to someone, choose who you spill to. So that your problems don’t get compounded by unwise advice.Even though it’s usually not the best thing to talk to a third party, you can receive helpful advice or counsel from a good friend that will keep you from falling apart in the midst of that family issue. It is said that “A good friend loves at all times,” and a “brother is born for adversity.”You can also talk to a family therapist, if it’s something you can’t handle by yourself. But before making that decision, you will have to decide if you have sufficient finances to cover the expense.6. Stop taking yourself or problems too ‘seriously’
Why is it that when something happens, you become excessively worried and easily irritated? Everyone has to start walking on eggshells around you so that they don’t make you blow your top.Being aware of your emotions is very important, so that they don’t keep controlling you.I’m not saying what you’re facing is not a serious issue. It’s probably very serious but taking yourself or the issue too ‘seriously’ will not make it better. Such an attitude will only affect you and your relationships negatively.It does no good to be a chronic worrier. When you learn not to keep fretting over problems, you will see a solution faster.7. Learn Deep Breathing Techniques
This is very helpful during stressful times. Deep breathing techniques would not solve that pressing financial problem or clash you had with your spouse yesterday but they would help you to relax deeply, calm your mind and reduce stress.It can also help to slow down your heartbeat if a bad situation has made your heart beat very fast.8. Be Practical
How?For instance, if you feel your spouse is neglecting you, or you’re the one neglecting him, you can talk about it and come up with a practical solution.You can fix a time to be together at home or go on a date together. If it’s distance that is affecting the family and you don’t get to see your spouse or kids often, you can plan a nightly video chat or play online games.It is important you decide on something practical so that it doesn’t keep affecting your peace.9. Choose to forgive
“To err is human.” You will be offended, and you will also offend others, whether you mean to or not. Offences will arise and when they do, what do you do? Do you fall apart? No. The first thing to do is: choose to forgive.Someone might say, “You’re only saying that because you don’t know what the person did.” I agree. I don’t know. But how is stewing in anger and refusing to forgive going to help the situation? It’s only going to rob you of your joy.Someone said, “Keeping a grudge and refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Choose to forgive. It would keep you from falling apart and help you stay sane.10. Pray and be thankfulI’m talking about gratitude, and speaking meaningful words to God about the situation. When you do so, He will strengthen and help you.“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer…thanksgiving let your request be made known unto God.” Choose to see beyond that distressing issue that is happening and be thankful for what you have as against what you don’t have or what is upsetting you. This attitude can trigger the right solutions and give you peace.No matter how grave or seemingly trivial, family issues don’t have to make you crumble and fall apart. You can face them and still remain standing on your two feet.All the best!Efe Lisa IfezuoDiscover more from Feminine Digest
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