Building A Solid Mother-Daughter Relationship

A solid mother-daughter relationship is one of the most essential family ties that has a lasting effect. I say this as an adult daughter who shares a close bond with her mother. Even in adulthood, we need our mothers’ care and nurture. So when I hear stories of distraught mothers and daughters or daughters who had a difficult and painful upbringing due to lack of a mother-daughter bond, it is heartbreaking. This article is specially dedicated to mothers (aspiring, expectant and mothers with daughters) who want to learn how to build a close bond with their daughters.

1. Listen to your daughter

The reason why your daughter distances herself from you is because you don’t listen to her. She feels that you don’t consider her perspective while making decisions. You make everything about you without including her emotions. Some mothers argue that making decisions for their children is their job because they know what is best for them. While I agree with the statement, I understand that your daughter also knows what is best for her. Therefore, listening to your daughter with an open mind goes a long way in strengthening your relationship. Don’t be too stiff in your decisions. So, rather than shunning her views or perspectives on an issue, why not listen to her and see if there can be a compromise? Rather than saying, “You must go to XYZ University,”  you can say, “I’d like to know why you prefer ABC University.  Can you tell me more?” That way, you can share your views respectfully and deepen your bond.

2. Be your daughter’s best friend

I know colleagues whose mothers are their best friends. I observed how natural and unique their relationships are. One of the qualities of being a best friend is to have your daughter’s back, be her ride or die, and let her know she can talk to you about anything without feeling scared or ashamed. In junior school, I remember a classmate whose mum knew everything she did. If she was going to a party, her mother was aware and even sometimes dropped her off. Her mum also learned about the boys who liked her at school because her daughter always discussed such issues with her. As an adult, I know that these bonds are necessary. Be your daughter’s best friend and watch her warm up to you. 

3. Don’t be too critical

As a mom, being too critical and objective can make your daughter see you negatively. The long-term effect of this is a disconnection between you two. This does not mean you condone any form of indiscipline. Definitely not!  The Bible says, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” However, there are alternative ways of handling situations or disciplining your daughter. Before you discipline your daughter, let her know the reason for your actions to prevent a recurrence.

4. Admit your mistakes

Motherhood is not an easy journey. You are not perfect and can, therefore, make mistakes just like your daughter. As a mother, you learn and unlearn every day. Thus, when you err, own up to your mistake and apologize immediately. Trust me, it doesn’t make you feel less of who you are. Rather, it makes your daughter see you for who you are and deepens your bond with her.

5. Build common interests 

I remember my teenage years; my mom and I used to bond while watching Mexican telenovelas. It was something that we loved to do. I used “loved” because as I grew older we stopped watching telenovelas. We now bond with other activities. There are so many activities, such as knitting, hiking, cooking, or baking, that mothers and daughters can share. Find out what they are and build on them. However, if some topics or activities may cause a rift or push a hot button between you two, avoid such conversations or activities, or don’t visit them regularly. READ ALSO: Developing Father-Daughter Relationship

Conclusion

Developing a mother-daughter relationship requires a lot of effort and patience. It starts when you try to be your daughter’s best friend, listening to her views and not being too critical of her actions. Let your daughter see you as a safe space and not otherwise. Remember, your relationship with your daughter is a long-lasting one.