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How to Know He is Emotionally Blackmailing You

2022-09-15T16:17:53+00:00

By Becky

It can be difficult to know if your partner is emotionally blackmailing you, because emotional blackmail tendencies sometimes appear as normal jealousy and other concerned reactions from a committed partner.Emotional blackmail is as bad and criminal as any other kind of blackmail. Using fear, guilt, threat, pity, accusation and even gifts to coerce someone into staying in a relationship is emotional blackmail.This is why Susan Forward, a psychotherapist and expert, says, “Blackmailers make it nearly impossible to see how they’re manipulating us, because they lay down a thick fog that obscures their actions. All the while, if we attempt to fight back, they ensure that we literally can’t see what is happening to us.”However, while a normal person is willing to work things out with his partner, acknowledge his faults and make amendments so as to make the relationship better, an emotional blackmailer is not interested in negotiating. It’s either his way or no way. When you want to fight back, he makes sure you don’t even see what’s happening to you.

Here are Signs that Show He is Emotionally Blackmailing You

If he is always defending himself even when caught doing something wrong or if he doesn’t see his wrong, you should be careful. Such a person will see no need to apologise for any mistake he makes. Instead of apologising, he will find a way of passing the blame to you.

If he makes you feel unworthy of giving advice on any issue or belittles your opinion, you should take note. This attitude will indirectly demean your self-confidence so much that you may not see yourself as wise. You’ll then be forced to accept his own “superior” opinion.
If he makes you look stupid when you ask him for advice; if he uses that as an avenue to give commands that you dare not disobey, he’s blackmailing you. This behaviour can make you feel intimidated and unworthy of earning his affection.Statements like, “If not for me, where would you have been?” or “After all I did for you!” are a few common statements that should warn you.
If he is not willing to compromise to make the relationship work but expects you to compromise, run. If he makes statements like, “I will kill myself if you leave me,” or “If I can’t have you, nobody will,” then he is emotionally blackmailing you.
If he uses gifts to keep you in the relationship, especially any time you question him or want to leave the relationship, he is emotionally blackmailing you. At this point, he seems sober and sorry for his actions.When he plays the victim because you insist on things changing or you leave, he is blackmailing you. This attitude may paint you as the bad partner.You may even get some unpalatable comments from friends and family but that shouldn’t make you remain in that abusive relationship.Also, he may quickly apologise, sometimes tearfully, when he notices you have discovered his emotionally abusive traits and want to leave the relationship. He may want to use this as a means of keeping you with him while pretending he has repented or changed.Don’t be fooled. The moment you are back with him, he will continue the process. This is how some partners end up getting trapped in emotionally abusive relationships.

If you begin to cry over his actions, work tirelessly to make things work, change plans to meet his needs, try to use logic, avoid talking to or confronting him, and even lie to save yourself from him, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

If, after you have both agreed to embark on a project, he turns around to deny his commitment or agreement and then blames you for embarking on such a project, you are dealing with an emotional blackmailer.

Conclusion

These signs of emotional abuse can affect your personality and confidence so much that you may find yourself on the two extremes of fear or anger. It can also affect your emotions and self-esteem and this will tell in other areas of your life.Nobody loves to die but being stuck with an emotional blackmailer is deadly. You can hardly achieve any success when your self-esteem is battered. If you are in this situation, you need to get help as soon as possible.Becky Olorunpomi