Can there ever be too much fuss about friendship, I wonder.

General Advice

They say that ten friends cannot play together for ten years. Whenever I hear this statement, I think of a broom, how the bunch is thick when it is first bought and how over time, as a result of use, it loses its thickness.

Specific Advice

The ten friends who want to play together for ten years, must make active and intentional efforts to play for ten years or even more.

Have some romance with your friend. Call your friend. Pray for your friend. Pray with your friend. Involve your friend and keep them in the loop.

The Exception

Ten friends who want to play together for ten years should not do the things that cannot be undone.

In Bina Idonije’s book Bridges Are for Burning, Gigi, Alana’s best friend, plays too closely with something that does not belong to her, and sometimes, ‘almost’ is just as good as the act being done.

Their friendship does not survive this betrayal, and that brings me to my exceptions:

1. People who cannot forgive each other, have no business being friends. Take notes from this book and end the friendship because unforgiveness gives birth to so many other things.
   
   If you will not or cannot truly let go of the things that have happened, then you really shouldn’t continue being friends. How many times do you think a person can handle being told, ‘Do you remember when this and that happened?’
   
   
2. Friends can play for ten years without becoming interwoven. This is a very general statement, but what I mean is this: your friend’s husband is not your friend. Do not be alone with your friend’s boyfriend/ partner. As the popular West African saying goes, “Na from clap, dance dey start” (Clapping usually leads to dancing).
   
   
3. This may be controversial, but if you have a shaky esteem, please stay friends with people who do not trigger it. It’s very similar to when people say that if you do not love yourself enough, it is hard, almost impossible, to be in a relationship because you’ll be questioning whether the person loves you or not.
   
   Be secure enough in yourself that you do not see the growth and success of your friends as a threat. When your friend has wins, you do not ask when your own will come, but are genuinely happy for them. That way, you do not get unnecessarily jealous.
   
   
4. Know your worth. If you know your worth, what you like or don’t like is clear and expressed confidently.
   
   You wouldn’t laugh when a joke upsets you, or do things that you would not generally do.
   
   And you wouldn’t nurse things that people said or did.
   
   
5. This is the last point, and it’s not really advice. It’s more like a correction, or an affirmation – not everyone of us can be a people person.
   
   Some of us are truly wallflowers, with the ability to disappear when we want, and merge into backgrounds, just observing. It is not a bad thing. There are strengths to it.
   
   One of those strengths is that you know exactly what people need and when.
   
   There’s absolutely no need to resent the people in our circles who are our complete opposites. They are flawed and so are we. We’re all flawed.
   
   Summarily, if you’re playing, let it be known that you’re playing. If it’s a fight let it be known too. We cannot continue to be on the fence about the people we choose to keep in our lives.
   
   It is sometimes compulsory that bridges be burnt. Do not try to avoid it so much that you’re unhappy in your friendships.