Handling a breakup can become a difficult thing for anyone. Nobody desires a breakup. It is usually unpleasant especially if you have committed your energy, efforts, resources and emotions to the relationship. It is harder when the breakup is not due to any fault of yours or your partner.
Breakups can alter your way of life and perception of things if not handled properly. There’s the tendency to feel guilty, disappointed, angry, lonely and depressed. Quite a number of people don’t know how to handle a breakup.
But sometimes, breakups are necessary and inevitable and can be handled properly.
Irrespective of the reasons for your breakup, here are ways to handle it:
- Don’t beat yourself to death over it. You need to talk to yourself that this is not the end of your life or the world. You have your whole life ahead of you and you owe yourself a better life.
- Analyse the events in the relationship and especially those that led to the breakup. It would help you guide against repeating them, especially if you’re the one that initiated the breakup due to red flags or some irreconcilable differences.
- Avoid the blame game. It could affect your emotions negatively as well as other aspects of your life.
- Surround yourself with positive-minded people. Locate trusted friends or professional counsellors to talk to. You’d find a lot of help and encouragement in this purposeful fellowship. This is a way to discover that there can be joy even in the midst of disappointment.
- Do not bottle your emotions. Visit new places. Engage in exercises like dancing. Research has shown that the brain releases endorphins, the “feel good” chemicals, during exercise. This helps to reduce the negative emotions from the breakup. You would feel better when you unburden your heart as it lowers your resentment about the situation and your ex.
- Engage your mind positively and get busy. It has been said that the mind is a vital part of the soul. So, focus on your career, business or even personal development. Reignite those beautiful aspects of your life that have been kept on hold. Explore new areas in your profession or business. Attend trainings. Add new skills or delve into a new area of your profession.
- Avoid rushing into another relationship immediately. Though the temptation might be high, probably due to loneliness or boredom, you should give yourself enough time to process this phase and heal before moving on. Going into another relationship immediately after a breakup may be a rebound. This will negatively affect your new relationship.
- It is wise to try not to contact your ex soon after the breakup. Apart from impersonal interactions, limit your communication to the barest minimum, enough not to harbour malice. Acceding to the urge to see him or her after the breakup might short-circuit the healing process.
Although a breakup can bring pain, you need to know that pain sometimes brings clarity and clarity brings closure. The pain may linger for a while – let it. This is a way to begin the healing process. You might, however, need to consult a professional therapist if you can’t handle this process alone or if it is beginning to affect your mental health.
Becky Olorunpomi is a certified relationship counsellor and enthusiast, an author, and speaker. Her two books, Being Single: Challenges and Way Out and Dear Singles, are both online (Amazon Kindle and okadabooks.com) and in hardcopy.